my kind of eid - a memory of love

i was walking down the memory lane...

year 2006

my grandmother left us for almost 4 years already, when i was in UK. she was a quiet old lady, not like my granddad, and when i left for UK, she was sick. Sakit tua. I remember her expression when my sister told her that i'm leaving. She couldn't speak much but i know she was quite suprise to know that. when i came back during my first summer break, she was still there and not much improved. She couldn't clean up herself anymore and everything was done by mak nah, and sometimes my mum when they came back to kampung.

She left us when i was in the middle of 2nd year winter exam and the news was unexpectedly delivered by my dad when i did my weekly family-call. i didn't cry but still at that moment i felt want to, as my mind traced back all the memories of me, my sister and her. i think we were quite close when i was a child. i remember those days, spending my school break with her. Followed her around the kampung, going to the shops etc. 

As i grew up and went to Kuantan, and then to KMYS, lesser time i had to be spent with her, and then she turned ill due to sakit tua, couldn't move much etc.

mum loved her very much. each time we went to her grave during hari raya, mum would hold her cry that hard and she's been missing her. i'm wondering, can i be like her. loving that much? days ahead, as i run through this life i could reach a point where i felt so selfish and couldn't bother the world around me.

my granddad. normally, he would go to my late grandma grave by himself, but this Eid, as it was raining that morning, he joined us. It really touched my heart to know he loves my grandma that much. next to the grave there is a small hut that he built so that he could come and recite the qur'an for her. he would clean all the messes around the grave, as much as he could or pay somebody to clean it. it's been 4 years already since she left us, but each day if possible, my granddad will go and visit the grave, recite the qur'an at the small hut he built.

mum said, he treats everything like grandma still alive, still close to his heart, and still there. the way he touched the grave, taking care of it etc.

on the way back, my granddad mourned a bit ' if i die someday, will there be someone to look after me like i do to your late mother? especially any of my sons?'

we couldn't give him the answer, but deep in our heart, we know what we should do. it was only we are afraid to give the answer as we don't know whether we could promise him as such.

2013, and my late grandfather passed away 2-years already. revisiting this memory, left a bitter pang to myself, even i was not his closest next-of-kin (children).

and we still unable to answer his question before. probably, because we know could never be as good as he had been the person that you loved the most. 



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