gosh. time really flies. and to be exact my december of 2012. while the other part of the world people rambling about the end-of-the-world yada yada...it seems my schedule has been occupied with lots lots of work. a distraction? hmm. when i said work..i really mean work. something to do with my job. i thought after the performance appraisal submission, my work life would get back to its 'relax' pace. but i was wrong. it kept rolling and rolling. see my last entry? it was 2 weeks ago when i thought i had my momentum back on writing, particularly on my dusty-memory of my travel stories. hehehe.
anyway. things happened.
i know it is cliche and pathetic, but why not some reflection on how things has been for the past 365 (+1) days?
there's a lot to reflect. particularly my personal life. despite it has been quite a travel year for me with back to back trip to wonderlands etc., i've been missing few of good things in life. have i been distracted? have i been in denial mode all the time, hence makes me care less about those things?
i lost friends, good friends, close friends etc. and i lost them because i'm tired of trying being the good one to them. it was like i was the only one that in need of a good friends. not them.
how does it feel when friends giving cliche excuses for not inviting me for a raya gathering, by telling other friends ' i don't know where he is now..i have no news etc.' but then when we met, clearly showed me that my number is still in the contact list, despite i was the one that lost the mobile phone?. sometimes people are insensitive...or am i the one that has been too sensitive?
how does it feel when close friends, go behind your back hiding their relationship...while others knowing it like an open secret? seriously?
how does it feel knowing that your circle of good friends starting to eliminate and exclude you?
truth is sometimes bitter. but it is just a better way to tell me where am i in the life's chapter. it is just a better way to tell who's you true friend is and so on.
and at 32 years old... i am still pathetically single. sad, ain't? i tried, but i never tried hard enough. and i'm sad because of this, i feel guilty to my parents. i know how much they wanted me to settle down. seeing others in the family...i mean all the pakcik and makcik happily showing off their menantus and cucus. it was and is heartbreaking...to see the look and hope on my parents eyes.
ah...2012. i'm letting you go. bon voyage.
thanks for the good memories.
thanks for reminding me where am i and who am i.