i have never expected harris have been reading me that much and he came out with a conclusion about my pathetic life. one word that explained all - the anger, the pain, the solitudeness, the lost etc. -
i feel the pang and bitterness of that word could offer me, from the moment he bold the word in our google talk. it's been driven me to ponder madly since then, denying and telling myself that such a dogma. because it hurts.
i'm trying to get over all those ridiculous emotional thingy that drove me insane for the past few weeks. but i'm afraid, as much as i'm fighting back all those feeling, i sense myself teaching me to forget and erase the memories. i just can't sit alone and let my mind walking down the memory lane, as all those pieces will tangle around me and question me with all those 'if's.
let time heal. harris told me once. don't let one mistake to mess up the whole brotherhood that i choose to live with. don't let it ruin things that i wanted for myself.
i bumped on him when i was on the way to late-lunch with my officemate. just at distance, we waved hand. it stroke me with the evil thought of if this is the beginning of our new chapter, i have no doubt that someday, we will be very far.
i blame on my foolness, for being such delusional. it's not that easy to enter another person's life, and it is even harder to open up the chapters. i'm just un-invited guest, who sneaked through the opened door. as much as i've been with, along the sidewalk, listening the story of heaven, when the time arrived, i will be left, forgotten and wandering alone on the sidewalk itself. the path is no longer for a stranger, un-invited guest. even i ran and knocked the door, it won't be the welcome that i will be cherished with.
sigh...a loner is talking.