chapter 12 - me, myself and 2005
i'm gonna skip on the story that i wrote in my previous entry, as i'm kind of running out of time to have this finale part of chapter 12 done before the new year. the 'more than a bird ' will be continued sometime later.
2005 has been kind of a rough year for me, i would say that. it didn't start well as i was emotionally struggled to overcome the fact that i had to leave my previous workplace. even i had quite a good commotion back when i went for the induction course, like the effective brainwash thing, my deep conversation with the taxi driver who originally from sumatera, meeting my brother zam etc. , i was still my old self, where i couldn't resist to keep arguing with my inner that demands myself to change for sake of future. it was all about the career thing, and i've been through hell lot of emotional struggling since january,as i couldn't get myself, my mind to create it's own hell of heaven.
like i used to know, how my life is so closely connected to the past, where it forgets to connect the dots for the future of itself. part of me has changed and become sort of rebellious which so obvious when am writing things, even parveen once quoted me ' where's the angelic boy that i used to know before?'. i don't know, may be i turned now to this 'boiled egg' things like i used to hear when attended Dr. Noraini Hashim motivational talk last few years. All the hurdles and difficulties i faced sort of turned me to kind of stone-heart buddy, even i was actually more or less a 'good' boy before.
but sure, the good things happened too. even i have to admit how things happened sort of killing me, on the other hand, when i tried to look it from positive perspective, i have learnt hell a lot. about life, about survival, more and more. ucop quoted how this year has been a major milestone for him, as he declared it as the beginning for his so-called 'adult' life - getting job, cars etc. even it should sound like one for me, i tend not to put that way, as i stepped this freshies year of adult life a year before, struggling for a job, recognition and everything. the milestone was years back.
the goods of the year, probably as i managed to get in touch back with my ex and we are now be friend again. however, i've been keeping myself from stepping to sort of declaration of 'we are couple' thing as i feel with all the 'dark' days of mine, i would be damn selfish and not able to commit to such relationship. i know, it will come naturally if i give a chance, but i just can't. may be we are not meant to be together as i don't feel the 'eagerness' to win her back etc. after all that happened between us. i wish she'll understand and don't take our friendship as the reason she won't commit to any relationship for the time being. i should tell her, shouldn't i?
friends, they are one of the beautiful things happened in my life this year, as much as i value them, like i want to keep my friendship with my ex ( we started as a closed friend), i've been blessed to meet and make friends with a lot of good people. ucop probably one of my best buddies these days. i'm not sure how he's comfortable with my habit bugging all the time, but he's been such an angel for all these year. Ng, the minority guy..hehe..which been my good friend since the day we reported to my current workplace. One of that i have much respect. then, i have this bro. zam, which really rocks and i admire a lot. he's more like morrie to me, somebody who older and wise which inspired me a lot. then there are few crazy buddies like Azli inc, Faizarif. but then my big brother Fendy is leaving to Oman, while bro. Kasim left PMO already, and Mahadhir sort of MIA since his last e-mail mentioning that he'll be back for raya. duh...all i mentioned are guys...would that make me a bit gay for that? perhaps not, as technically, i believe guys prefer to hang out with guys. hehe...
crush of the year? well...other than Natasha Hudson, and few celeb chicks, i'm kind of mess up to really think about girls around me these days. with those girls, i mean like parveen, loth, koko etc., we were kind of not able to spend much time like we used to, as some busy with jobs etc., koko married already etc. or may be i still spare my heart for my ex? damn!
kak long has already engaged and soon to get married, while my parents now seriously joining the hajj course as they planning to go there somewhere next year, more and more. whatelse?
Good Bye 2005.