we talk about life...part 3

my first day at work after such a long break and honestly, it was not easy to get my ass up to work! i'm still in raya mood and so do most of the people in the office. today only 4 of us plus our workholic boss were in. it didn't take long before i had to start doing all the work, as my boss already bugged me wondering what task i have in hand for the time being. oh..he gave me new assigment, something about the block valve project and i have to attend the meeting tomorrow morning. plus a few things regarding my post, training etc. erghhh.

i had 130 messages ate my mailbox space and the rest of the morning occupied by housekeeping it. it's festive season and i got bunch of raya wish etc. Bro. Mahadhir is back in KL already, Habil is getting married soon and also suprised as i 'm still at my current workplace, and also from En. Yusof, my ex-manager for PNL project team.He wished the ex-team members and also operation people selamat hari raya etc. As i wished him back, he then replied to me that he still remember me etc. and also feels it such a pity for PCSB not able to retain me as their engineer. And he asked me how's my life in GPP.

Darn..he hit the sensitive spot and i did it again. I blew everything out, well in a nice way as he's my ex-manager, sharing all the sad stories of mine etc. like i did whenever my friends asked me on this matter. I thought that was all, but it was not as i got his reply back which also been forwarded to Tatmi, my ex-asset manager. He proposing my case to be brought back ...what he says..to be revived as he believed i can contribute more if i worked with PCSB. Quite suprise, as i have no intention actually to have him react this way. As i have no intention to have this kind of feedback, i re-clarified things back to him, so that to missing infos etc.....at least if he really want to help me, be it with clearer picture.

and then late afternoon, my boss came to me telling about his plan to move me to shift supervisor box and asked for my preference. i was numb actually, and then as he asked me back on my plan with the company, where i want to go or what i want to be. this is second time i couldn't give him answer as i'm still trapped in my own sick past. as he was sort of persuasive, i suddenly have the guts to do it again. i mean to tell him all the things that been haunted my worklife..my past, my stories, my dreams etc. i don't know from where i got the strength, but it was such a glimpse of light i had as been motivated by En.Yusof's mail this morning.

Thank GOD, as my boss is a new breed, and he believes that young people should be let go to try what they want. He was suprised to discover my stories, my past, as he has never been told, even about the appeal etc.It's a new chapter for both of us as then he told me that he's ok with my preference and will support if i chose to go for appeal. But he wants to have PCSB, to formally request me. Again...i'm bit lost, as for now, i have nobody to back me up there, anymore, unless Tatmi willing and if i could get my dad help me get in touch with the SM of the department, or i try to go straight to SGM or GM again.

uh...i don't know wether this is something real or just another fake hope. like i told harris, i see light but i don't know it belongs to me or not. i'm afraid to give myself another room, of trying as it'll make me hope and hope is that something i can't rely on.

berhenti berharap.

'apakan daya, jasad tak setanding mimpi'

mungkin itu aku, itu aku.

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