Same Old Talk ...

Early morning, after 3 days been away from my workspace I was expecting to begin my so-called routine as a surveillance engineer there early. For sure the notesmail was the driving force as 3 days is able to eat my mailbox space. Shuck! They haven’t repaired my pc yet. Luckily the guy next to me away for a course and then I used his pc.

‘Housekeeping’ my mailbox as a lot of stuffs, mostly important being sent for the past few days. My team leader then came to me and told me that PMU is requesting for a presentation on PNL’s RMP this coming Monday as a part of the PM9 fields FRMR. He asked me to try to get project team people around so that they can support us on the presentation.Ismadi then said ‘Why don’t you present this thing to PMU?’ Gulp… present…err…may be this will be a good exposure for me, to present important thing in front of these company’s important people. My team leader also agrees that this would support my training too.

Bring it on then! I shot e-mails to my good-project team bro’s and then got this reply from their team leader. He doesn’t want to let his people to come here as they’re struggling to meet the deadline for PNL’s PDR which is much more important, he said. In fact, the RMP’s we have now just a preliminary and it sounds not worth to ask his people to come this far just for that.
However, he still mentioned that they’ll will provide us with relevant presentation materials and will assist us on this.

Okie dokie…. Mahadhir bro just laughed when I called him during afternoon to ask for information regarding the presentation. He said I was sort of ‘gabra’.

‘Relax, I’ll help you on this....’
‘Ok bro. I’ll keep bugging you then. It looks I’m going to tai chi you from now on....’

Oh...tai chi is our favourite words there when describing this ‘suruh org lain buat this work’ or ‘requesting something that require few efforts’ etc. Back from lunch, after received few files from Mahadhir, while I was about to start discuss with my Team Leader about the presentation, he then said

‘Ok. Why don’t we present it during our department meeting this afternoon?’

And the meeting was exactly at that time. As the meeting started, I had this strong feeling something wasn’t right with few people in the meeting room. The ‘bengang’ atmosphere seemed to be around while I saw the way few people answered like ‘that’s not problem’ when our head of department asked few things. So it began.

The ad-hoc presentation was horrible as it wasn’t organized with scattered presentation files, while I couldn’t answered a lot of questions. By right I just realized that I was quite good when describing the production performance that I’ve been monitored, but awful when it comes to this reservoir thing. ‘Aku kena tembak’ or ‘Aku kena bakar’…probably I could borrow the phrases Harris loved to use when you’ve been asking like hell when presenting something.

More or less, I felt a bit demotivated because the presentation was sort of reflecting what I’ve been learnt or doing, to them and I wasn’t able to proof something.The hurtful time came as my good bro then suddenly asked me this killer question where I wasn’t able to answer.

‘Do we have equipped you with enough materials/knowledge for you to do this kind of work?’. Plus he said ‘I’m serious’. Never had this experience, hearing him talking like that before.

Darn! Are you trying to bring out my issues in front of the head and people of our department? Do you really have to do that? Even Rozek was sort of doing the same thing, mumbling about this training thing etc.When the meeting was over, I went to see my big bro and he, immediately asked how’s everything then? Then I asked him ‘What exactly you expect me to say when you were asking the question during the meeting?’.He just said ‘ See. I can’t always be the good guy.’ End of conversation.

Back from the office, I had a talk with Koko on this. And from my understanding, they were actually sort of angry with our head of department due to some issues and the way they showed it, hit me then. That’s my understanding; while Koko elaborated more by saying they want people aware that I shouldn’t be given this heavy job etc. without proper training.

‘Why they normally hit things on your face, in front of everybody? I mean when they want to advice you on something etc. they said it straight to your face without censorship board approval?’ Koko asked me.

‘You noticed on that? I don’t even aware of that. But may be because I’m a man and they way they treat me is different compared to you.’

Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with things that happened as it did demotivate me. For quite sometimes, I’ve been enjoying what I’ve been doing and change myself to new me, the guy who won’t ask ‘Who moved my cheese?’ and talking the same-old issue, but what he did was urghhhhh!!!!!! Unacceptable for me. I thought he knew me as I’ve been sharing a lot of prob with him. I am not the people who love to bring issues etc. just like that.

My head was saturated with the thoughts and worries regarding the presentation, and if he was referring to the presentation, I guess I should’ve told him that, the presentation wasn’t been finalized yet and what we’ve seen actually the presentation on information that available for us. Me and my TL were looking for any recommendation and support on this.I’m not able to explain to him that I don’t care much about these ‘kerenah birokrasi’ things. I just want to grab any opportunities for me and keep learning. I’m tired to talk the same-old issues etc.

I’m trying to move on… oh...oranje made it! and 2n8 portugal will be meeting the 3 lions. wah..sounds good.

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