Losing The Grip ...

GOD, again and again.

I guess I just can't stop from mumbling and complaining about my job ... i mean the training thing.Last week after a long break, i came back to the office with quite a good mood, to settle end-of-month things and to do some house keeping on the database for my fields and revising few things, plus finishing the proposal for the sand monitoring program.Yada..yada..yada and bla bla bla...few minutes after 9 am, i guess, my boss came to me and asked something about the declined in production rate of my fields after the wireline services done to them.

What? urghh...how could i answer if i didn't get the report from the platform for the past few days? I guess they'd been left me out from the mailing list. He, my boss, was a bit un-satisfied with my answer.Then came Azhar, the wireline guy asked me about the same thing. Just to solve this question, i had to stop doing my work and browsing all the records and contacted possible person on this etc. etc. and to be honest, i was 100% blurred. Haji Bo then came and asked about my presentation-to be.

Please lah people, give me a break. Sounds like people expecting too much from a lost-in-translation trainee like me.This and this, i guess i lost my mood to work that day.And then, the next day, as i started to do this well-test verification things, it was slowly, i drove into pms thing as i saw things like it was really mess up. I couldn't understand the way Zul work on the TP files etc., and then i suddenly triggered to think about the list of jobs that left to me. Wow...ok..let get back into the track.

May be for most of us this is normal, but not for me, as i believed for the past one month as i started to take care the fields, i've been precient. Fendy, my good bro there once asked, so how's ur work now? i was speechless and the only answer i gave him, well..i guess it's ok but now i'm trying to get use to the 'routine' work as surveillance engineer. ' End of conversation.Then my 'bigger' bos, i mean the head of department, asked me once i accidentally met him 1-2-1, as we both were waiting for the printer done the jobs. 'How's thing goes on? Senyap jer. Are you happy with your job?' ...aiyaaa...Happy? I told him, reluctantly, 'oklah ..kot'...' Eh...ok ajer? macam tak happy jer?'...'Takde la...i mean still banyak menda yg saya tak paham..' 'Eh..tak paham jgn biarkan..kena tanya!'...yes.. i knowlah..kena tanya..but the thing is i wanted him to know that, how come i can enjoy things that i don't really understand? it was more about explaining things rather than giving an excuse actually, but my 'bigger' bos didn't get it i guess.

When i got back to my place, i felt a bit demotivated and started to feel the ' losing the grip' on the things i've been doing. I was enthusiastic to learn but it's now lacking of eagerness as i don't feel the guidance been given. Honest, i guess zainal left me totally with the field as more or less things that he questioned me, like he's expecting me to decide for myself on my field.

Back to home, i talked to myself and try to understand things.Yes, for sake this is not totally what i looked for before, i still have to carry on. May be i don't feel the joy of doing the work because i'm still learning, to understand and get use to it. I do feel about giving up, but then i guess, it's not because i don't like to job, it's just because i still don't totally understand and know how to do it. My grip ain't strong enough, i don't feel firm on it. Nikki who also a chem eng graduate can stay and enjoy the work, why don't i?

I guess reasons for me to be there and stand still, is her, plus i feel blessed to have good people around me there, especially Fendy and Harris.Being precient ain't good for me anymore, i've to buck up.Thousand miles journey begins with a single step. Yes, may be it's not a giant leap, but a single step will help at least to kick off things. I've 5 months left. Time will tell...come what may ....

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